Category Archives: Friends

Friends and family

For a while there, I was fretting that I wasn’t a good friend. Wasn’t attentive enough, wasn’t there for people. It was true, to an extent. But it wasn’t the whole picture.

My old friends and I grew apart. Their interests are not mine. I don’t like to shop, or wear fancy clothes, or watch Real Housewives. We don’t hang out with the same people. They are wonderful women, and I know they would still be there for me if I needed them, as I would for them. And I’d still like to hang out with them occasionally. But we are different and as our kids have grown older, it has become evident.

So then I wonder, do I have any real friends?

I realized today that the people I talk to the most, the ones I have the most in common with, the people I really, really like are my family. They get me, I get them.

Bill and I have grown up together. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes, and still loves me anyway. I am happy just to be with him.

My kids are some of the most wonderful, special people I know. Stefanie would give you the shirt off her back, and a couple bucks if she had some. And a place to sleep. She has a generous and courageous heart. Caitlyn is an exceptional mother and gives valuable insight. Ryan is a protector of the weak and has a strong moral compass. Declan’s wacky sense of humor and his offbeat thought process keep you on your toes. Owen demands and deserves the best from us and keeps us honest. Kevin and Koby are sons I would have chosen for myself.

My parents and siblings are people I could tell anything. My mother feels everything I feel, only more strongly. She is my emotional rock. My father has high expectations, but backs them up with big hugs. My sister is all out there for you to see and love. She lives her live courageously. My brother would take a bullet for any of us, then display it with pride.

I am fortunate enough to have in my life some very cool, funny, compassionate, smart individuals.

I work with many wonderful people too. I don’t call them my friends, but they’re much more than acquaintances. They are my work family. I don’t love them all, but I accept them for who they are, and I acknowledge their value to me. They are my brothers and sisters in my work world. They get me there, in that parallel universe.

So I do have friends. I even have some who aren’t family and who don’t work with me, just not many. But that’s fine with me.
I’m not an island after all, I guess.

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Sad, mad, confused

Ever get a bad vibe from your best friend that makes you get a sick feeling in your stomach like you did something wrong, but you don’t know what it is?

If you did, remember how then you kept thinking about it all the time, and you think you kinda figured it out, but you’re not quite sure, but if that’s what it is, then your friend shouldn’t be mad at you about that anyway?

And then you got mad about it, and then confused, and then you just wanted to go back to the way it used to be and forget about all whatever it was?

Yeah.

Two friendships of mine seem to be limping to a sad end. And both of them are ending because of – well, I don’t really know, but I can guess.

With one of them, our husbands got into a pissing match and now they hate each other with the burning passion of a thousand suns. And with the other one, our sons got into a big fight at the friend’s house, and even though the friend assured me that things were fine and it was no big deal, it obviously was.

These friends don’t return my calls hardly anymore. We speak, but it’s just chit-chat. I don’t get invited to things. Neither does my son.

I know I’ve been a neglectful friend. I’ve had a lot going on in my life lately. I haven’t watered the friendship plant as much as I should have and now it’s withering. Now that all the weddings and stuff are over, even a last-ditch effort at watering won’t save it.

But I’m really sad about this. I get that aforementioned vibe, and I’m pretty sure I’m right in my assessment of it, although not all the way sure.

Never mind. I know what I feel is correct. It just hurts to admit it. It’s time for me to move on and create new friendships. If we ever find our way back to each other, great. If not, oh well.

I have to see one of them tomorrow at a team party. If things go well, I’ll attend her hostess party that I was by-the-way invited to the next day. If not, I’ll be done. Officially.

It just hurts. I hate this feeling. I thought I left this crap behind in sixth grade.

Status update

Decky is doing fine. His lump doesn’t stick out quite as far today, but has widened and makes him look like an Avatar person, only not blue.
So far only a tiny bit of bruising. We owe that to the vigilant ice application yesterday. Today he didn’t have it on as often, but still did well with it.
Now he walks around saying: Don’t yell at me, I’ve got a lump on my head. Or: But I need a snack, I have a lump on my head.
Very funny.

We went to a lovely wedding for a friend at work today. Small, intimate, casual and fun. Would rather have been at a raucous Chicago family wedding, but it’s just too hard to keep going back and forth so often. We’ll see everyone at Thanksgiving.

Wore makeup today. Rare occasion for me. Noted how the skin on my eyes is so much thinner and wrinklier lately. Yuck. I can almost see why women get their eyelids lifted. Not for me, but still.

Cait and Koby took the twin bed out of the ‘Band Room.’ He’s sleeping on it right now at his house. They also took the bed rails, so he should be just fine. I’ll look forward to hearing about his night.

Looking forward to a day of rest tomorrow. Thinking of making soup for the chilly day.

Shivers

The call came at work: This is Declan’s school. He had an accident on the playground. He is conscious…

That’s all I heard.

Then: We already called 911…

I told them: Send him to me.

I work at a local ED. When the EMS guys called report, I took it. I told them the usual: We’ll see you when you get here. Room assignment upon arrival.
And I added: Tell Decky his momma is waiting for him.

His teacher rode with him in the ambulance. She approached me as I semi-ran to his room, saying: He’s imitating a klingon.
I cut her off with a terse: No joking.

I had to lay eyes on my boy.

He had a huge hematoma between his eyes. A double-golf-ball-sized lump smack in the middle of his face that made his eyes look a lot further apart than they are. I gave him the most thorough assessment I have ever given a patient.

He was fine. His usual goofy self.

He got up and twirled around when the doctor asked him to stand up and walk. He worried he wouldn’t know the cartoon channels since the cable was different from ours. He was polite and sweet to everyone. He was okay. Bill left work early to come take him home and took care of him until I was done with my shift. He bought Decky Dairy Queen and iced my poor baby’s face.

He had run at full speed into the fireman’s pole on the playground at recess. He didn’t lose consciousness, although he did have to sit on the way to the nurse’s office. He complained of dizziness that resolved fairly quickly.

All the kids on the playground knew what had happened. Everyone stayed in their classrooms until the ambulance was gone. The principal sent out a mass email about the ambulance (no details).

I got about five or six calls from friends, parents and teachers at work or on my cell. My facebook page is full of inquiries, and so is my email. Decky’s former teacher came to the house and delivered a gift! Another friend brought home his backpack. Bill said the phone had been ringing off the hook all evening. My wonderful coworkers took all my patients until we knew that Decky was okay. A parent of one of Decky’s school friends who brought her other child to the ED asked about Decky before I could even assess her daughter. People want to come over, bring stuff, do things for us.

People love Decky. He is as wonderful a boy as we’ve always believed he was. He is loving, kind, smart, funny, charismatic. People want to be around him. He is fair to others and slow to anger. We’ve always known this, but we weren’t aware that others saw it too.

The school he attends has become like a family to us. Ever since he stepped foot in the building years ago, the people there have shown him (and us) nothing but love. They always have his back. They have looked out for him when I couldn’t. They love him and watch out for him.

So as dreadful and scary as this event was, it has shown us that people are good. People love Decky. And the universe indeed wants him to succeed.
We are so so lucky.

A little lighter

I moved to address some of the problems I wrote about yesterday.

First of all, I found out when the next schedule at work ends. It’s April 24th, so that will be my last day as a part-time nurse in the ED, and my first as a PRN nurse in ED and Specials. I feel better with a deadline. I also feel substantial relief that I won’t have to do another presentation or be a hall-monitor for JCAHO in the ED anymore. I threw out so much research material today – it was wonderful! Now all that’s left to do is tell my manager Wednesday.

I spoke to my friend who’s having surgery tomorrow. I told her that I would be thinking of her and that I actually said prayers to guide the hands and minds and hearts of her surgeon and caregivers. She was grateful and in good spirits. I also called work and had them start a collection for flowers so I could place an order for her on Wednesday when I go in. I told my friend’s son that if he needed anything while his mom was in the hospital he could call me anytime. All those things made me feel that I was doing all I could for her.

I tackled my weight issue by going back in to the weight-loss place this morning after I ran on the treadmill. I had only gained 1-1/2 lbs since the last time, according to my weigh-in today, so that made me feel a little better. I also got back on the plan. I only knew one person working there, even though I had only been gone a month, but the person I talked to was knowledgeable and friendly. I have two weeks left of the plan, but if I go in to the center four times in a week I can extend that. Lessons learned: carbs are indeed the devil, and I can’t do this alone.

After my weigh-in, I picked up my new bench from PB. O’Baby helped me ‘fix’ it with his screwdriver. It’s huge and heavy and beautiful. I can’t wait until I get the table and chairs. It’s going to look great!

I felt like I got some of my ducks in a row today. And that’s a good feeling.