Category Archives: Friends

Change is our friend

So I find myself on the cusp of another life change.

When The Princess and O’Baby move out with Koby, The Princess will need to work more often. She will need someone to watch O’Baby. She will not be as available to pick Bubba up from school. And soon enough, Bubba will be out of school for the summer break.

I find myself increasingly dissatisfied with work. It seems 90% of the time, we work understaffed, and it drags on you. We’re busier than ever, but our staff is smaller. I find myself thinking that all the work I have done and have to keep doing to maintain my RNIII status may not be worth it. I feel I have to make a choice: stay where I am and settle for what I have, which is simply convenience and familiarity, or shake things up just a little, diversify.

I called the head of radiology to see if he could use a prn (as needed) nurse in Specials, where radiologists do interventional procedures. He didn’t have any hours for me, but suggested that I fill in for the other RNs when they needed to take off. I know these RNs well, have worked with them before. I have also worked Specials before. This is a no-brainer.

So I thought I’d work prn in the ED and prn in Specials. I would keep to two days a week or less. I would be able to set my own hours, but at the risk of having none available at various times. Right now, there will always be shifts to fill in the ED. And I will have more time to watch O’Baby, which will be my primary occupation.

My conflict lies in the when of it. When do I go prn? The Princess states she will start taking more waitressing hours at the end of March. Is this something I can count on? I have to find out when the next schedule in the ED ends. When do I tell my boss?

I feel rattled and stressed about all this. On top of it all, my friend is having surgery Tuesday. This means we will be down a fulltime day RN for at least eight weeks – if she even comes back at all. I am worried about the outcome of this surgery. And with her gone, our unit will be extra-stressed. The timing is bad, but isn’t it always?

I’m also stressed about my battle with my weight. I am up five pounds from my lowest weight, even though I’ve been running at least 2.5 miles three to four times a week. I feel that once I let carbs back in the house, I lost the battle. So I will go back to the weight-loss place tomorrow after my run, to see if there is anything they can do to help me.

On the brighter side, I ordered my new dining table and matching bench today. The table won’t be delivered until April 9th, but I can go pick up the bench tomorrow. I will order the rest of the chairs in the next week or two. Somebody should really keep me away from p0ttery barn. I want to buy everything in the place!

So the theme for this week is upheaval. I will think about my options over the next few days, so when I go to work on Wednesday, I will have a clear picture of what I want to discuss with my boss. And I will also order flowers for my friend.

Yeesh.

Equilibrium

I’ve been knocked off my square.

Yesterday, a friend of mine at work told me she would be getting surgery February 23rd. ‘They’re looking for something,’ was what she said.

Over the course of the shift, I slowly absorbed the implications of this statement.

This is someone I work with often. She is strong-willed and bossy and opinionated and an excellent nurse. We have our differences of opinion, but we work together well. We both work very hard and try our best to improve our unit. I’m always learning something from her.

I don’t consider us close. We don’t hang out, but we do attend the same activities and classes. We get along well.

Which is why I am puzzled at my reaction. How exactly am I supposed to feel about this? What can I do for her? And why do I feel so unsettled? You saw my post yesterday – my emotions were so conflicted and scrambled, I could barely cope with the stupid everyday crap I usually brush off.

I took it kinda easy on myself today. I ran, then had Bubba do some running, took O’Baby and Bubba out in the snow, goofed around, made dinner – just lightweight stuff. Until I can piece this all together, in my heart and my head, I will continue to take it easy.

I don’t like this unsettled feeling. Not at all.

It’s late, but I’m up

The last person left our party a little while ago. Hubby and Bubba and O’Baby are in bed. The Princess is out. I have finished cleaning up the kitchen for tonight.

What a wonderful time we had. We had about thirty people in the house at one point. Everybody brought something, and I made turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, asparagus, and two milky way cakes. Both of which were half-stuck in the pan, which everyone thought was great.

There were a bunch of kids, who Bubba graciously entertained. What a great kid! There was some football to watch. People kept coming, people kept eating. I drank wine, which I never do.

I admit to being slightly buzzed right now.

But we had such fun! The house was noisy. The dogs were good. There were many different conversations going on at once. At the end of the night, who was left? A couple of twenty-somethings, a couple in their thirties, Hubby and me, and a couple in their fifties. And we were having a blast! Of course we ended up in the kitchen – where else?

O’Baby fought sleep with all his might. He wanted to be with the crowd. Even Bubba stayed up until 10:06pm, which is a complete anomaly for him – he usually is in bed at the crack of nine-oh-oh or there is heck to pay.

I just can’t tell you how good it felt to have a house full of friends/family. How long it’s been since we’ve put ourselves out there far enough to let go and enjoy ourselves with our friends. How worried we were no one would show up, or we wouldn’t know what to do to make everyone have a good time.

There was no need to worry. Our friends needed this as much as we did. I hope this is the start of a new trend. I want to have people feel they can drop in when they want, and I want us to feel relaxed enough to invite our friends over frequently.

It feels so good. And I’m so happy.

Therapeutic silence

One of my very good friends told me the other day that she has a lump in her breast that has grown in the last six months. She is scheduled for a consultation with a surgeon on Monday, during which I am sure they will discuss a biopsy, then possibly further treatment options.

I feel awful. I feel awful for her because this is a hard thing. I feel like I have let her down by not being able to give her enough of my time lately. (But what’s new. I have let down many people in my life by my inattention or absence.)

When she confided in me about a skin cancer scare her husband had recently, I unintentionally scared her with my words. She is anxious about anything health-wise, and stresses herself in a manner much more than most others would. Although I didn’t say anything negative or ominous, she was frightened by what I said. And I feel scared that I might say the wrong thing and scare her further.

So I must walk the fine line. I will call her frequently and give her opportunities to vent. I will try to anticipate her needs. I will do small kind things that tell her she is loved. And I will keep my big mouth shut.

Of course I’m worried. But I can’t let on even a little bit. That will be the hardest part.