Category Archives: General bitching

Life is so good

Five years ago today, if you told me my life would be so wonderful, I would not have laughed. I would have been angry, or felt patronized. Or just cried hopelessly, like I did constantly at that time.

Five years ago today, my world was ending. I was losing my daughter, my husband, my life. I saw no way out. There was no future. My life was a bleak and black place.

Today, I have a wonderful life. Somehow, my husband and I found our way through that terrible time and stayed together. Our love is so strong and sweet. Thank god I don’t every have to live without it. My daughter has two children of her own and is the best mother to them anyone could ever be. She is happily married to a great man, a man we feel we have watched grow up. We couldn’t love him more if he were our biological son. Their first boy is the only blessing we have from that bleak time. He saved all our lives and brings us joy every day. And their new baby boy will undoubtedly do the same.

Somehow, some way, we survived. I still can’t believe it sometimes. But we did – we all did. And we have such riches and joy and love in our lives. I couldn’t be more grateful for our blessings.

So much to think about

There’s so much going on, I have to revert to bulletted form.

1. Most importantly, Dad had his quadruple coronary bypass Monday. I was there, drove out to Chicago Sunday. I had initially intended to leave for Kansas immediately after I saw him post-surgery, but elected to stay the night with Dad in his ICU room instead. I’m very sure that was the right choice for all of us, but it was tough. The nurse woke us up at least hourly, turning on the lights without warning, and the alarms and various noises kept us awake in between. I don’t know how Dad can take it there. I worry he isn’t getting the sleep he so desperately needs.
I drove home Tuesday on little sleep, and Dad did not get any naps that day at all. Then at 1:50am today, Dad’s heart went into what they thought was a sustained lethal arrhythmia, but turned out to be a sustained not-so-lethal arrhythmia at 200 beats per minute that he had to be shocked out of. Then he went into atrial fibrillation, which they treated with IV meds, and he is now in a regular sinus rhythm at about 90 bpm. Poor Mom and Greg got the call to come to the hospital at 2am, and thought Dad might be dead or dying. When they got to Dad’s room, there were seven doctors around him, but Dad was just sitting there wondering what all the excitement was about. I feel so bad I wasn’t there with all of them. What a nightmare it must have been.
Dad had a much better day today, and hopes to get some decent sleep tonight. Tomorrow he gets evaluated for a one-week-long inpatient cardiac rehab program, which provides intense post-surgery reconditioning, which would be ideal for him. Cross your fingers.

2. Caitlyn is 38 weeks along in her pregnancy, and her midwife told her today that the baby weighs about seven pounds, and she is dilated to 3 cm, but not effaced at all yet. I’m hoping the baby can wait another week or two to be born, for selfish reasons, but I really can’t wait until he comes. I’m so excited!

3. I got two job offers, and I took the one at the Hospital in Which Decky was Born. It’s closer, I know the doctors there, and I’m just so jacked about it! I really can’t wait to get back in the ER! I went in today for my drug test and physical. I have a weeklong 8a-4:30p orientation next week (which is why I hope the baby can wait), then a few days more the week after that. My present boss in the PACU is very understanding, and I reassured her that the PACU gig will be my main job. ER will mostly be on the weekends, and maybe holidays. w00t! w00t!

4. Bill’s in Omaha on business, doing 1-1/2 hour long presentations to large groups of people for the next few days. I came home from Chicago yesterday afternoon, he left this morning. We’re just ships that pass in the night. Yeesh.

5. Decky and I went to dinner at Ryan’s and Michela’s new place today. Ryan made a turkey roast, homemade mashed potatoes with gravy, green bean casserole and a salad. It was so good, and the apartment is beautiful! The complex is big and wide open, with trees and grass and nicely tended grounds, and the apartment is cute and clean and perfect for them. I’m so happy for them.
After dinner, everybody came over for Fire Night. Decky and Owen burned sticks and marshmallows, Koby, Ryan and Kevin sawed wood and smoked cigars, Stefanie and Michela and Caitlyn enjoyed some time together. The only one missing was Bill. Oh well. It was a fun night even if Ruthie ate half the cheesecake.

6. I was off of work today due to a slow surgery schedule, but it worked out so well with all the stuff I had to get done. Tomorrow I watch Owen all day. We’ll go to open gym, maybe take down the bedroom curtains to wash, and make homemade pizzas for dinner. I can’t wait to spend a day with my beautiful grandboy. I’ve been needing some Owen time.

7. Decky has this magic trick where it appears that he’s inserting an entire pencil (or straw or whatever) all the way up his nose, then runs around screaming that it’s in his brain. He’s performing it for everyone he meets, and it’s grossing me out. But I admit, it is pretty amazing.

8. I will sleep so well tonight. I hope Dad will too. He is never out of my thoughts, and it pains me that I’m not with him. It really is so hard to be so far away from the people you love.

That sucks! Awesome!

Pardon the interruption to my generally sunny disposition.
My complaints in bulletted form (please feel free to mutter “That Sucks!” after each one):

– I cannot sleep on my back with the quilt on, because the weight of the heavy comfy wonderful bedding causes terrible pain in my toes.
– I am eating my stress and I don’t know if I will fit into any long pants I own.
– Dad’s having open heart surgery Monday.
– Caitlyn’s over 37 weeks along in her pregnancy and sick as a dog. (She just started antibiotics, so she should be better soon.)
– I have to drive a lot this weekend (but I wouldn’t have it any other way).

I tried to think of more items for this list, but couldn’t. Want to hear the good stuff now? (Feel free to mutter, “Awesome!” after each one.)

– My husband got me four new tires for my car.
– He also is wonderful, understanding and patient, and gives the best hugs frequently.
– And he made us all chicken noodle soup Thursday when I was working.
– I have one job offer coming up on Tuesday (the Best Hospital in Kansas), and am hopeful about a second (the Hospital in Which Decky was Born, which I prefer).
– Stefanie went out and got me chocolate peanut butter ice cream, and she didn’t judge.
– I cleaned my ceiling fans. Nobody noticed but me, but it feels good.
– The weather is absolutely wonderful! Cool days and chilly nights are just what I hoped for all summer.
– Dad will be better than ever after he recovers from surgery.
– Amy is probably off strike after a week!
– I get to see Mod, Dad, Amy and Greg this weekend!
– Kevin has regular days off now, including Saturday!
– Today, we golf!

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I feel much better.

Everybody dies

Bill and I don’t have any real friends. Lots of acquaintances, some old friends we keep in touch with, but no close friends we confide in or hang out with. I think it became that way after we had to move so many times in a short span of time. We just kept to ourselves. Our family members depended mostly on each other. It has its disadvantages, but our best friends are really our kids and each other.

We don’t even socialize with our neighbors. They are mostly of a different generation, and they all have lots of money. Most of them are retired. And since we don’t hang out with them, when we attend a block party we are usually informed that someone is sick or dying.

Today, we found out that one neighbor (who lost quite a bit of weight) is on the mend after a long stay in the ICU for kidney failure and sepsis. Another says to me, “Didn’t you hear my news? I’m taking oral chemo. They found another spot on my liver.” And it was announced that another neighbor is now home from the hospital (at his summer home), and “has five catheters and two drains, but is doing better.” A couple of weeks ago, a nice neighbor man confided in me that he felt he might have alzheimer’s.

Maybe that’s why we have a hard time building close ties with these people. They are so nice and helpful and sweet to us, but they’re going to die. And every time we meet up, we find out who is going to be next.

We feel guilty about not attending bunco, or large men’s group, or Friday night drinks or ladies’ lunches. Today was the first time Bill ever helped tear down all the chairs and tables after the block party, and we’ve been here eleven years now. I left the party soon after my kids did, because it was starting to sound like the republican convention.

I guess we just don’t have a lot in common with them. And friendship requires work. I feel bad I’m so lazy about it. Maybe I’ll attend the ladies’ lunch next week. At least then I can catch up on the neighborhood gossip. And everyone’s bowel habits.

Potential navel-gazing

I guess I feel that if I write too much about myself, I will slide down that slippery slope to full-fledged navel-gazing, which I cannot tolerate in a person, and consider the path to madness. So if it starts seeming like I’m doing that, please tell me right away. Thanks.

I took a day off today. I slept in. Went to the farmers market with Stefanie and Declan in the pouring rain. Got lots of tomatoes and squash and cilantro. Did nothing with them.

I spent most of the afternoon shopping. Which I really prefer not to ever do if I don’t have to. But I’m itching to make some changes around here. I want to make my front stoop pretty. I want to find a nice big desk for Bill. I’d love a big round pedestal table for the foyer. I’d love some new rugs under the kitchen table and in the foyer too. So I checked out five or six or seven stores by myself. Well, I got bored, so I made Stef meet me at the Crate and Barrel so she could spend some gift certificates and keep me company.

I got plenty of ideas, but didn’t buy much. I got a really weird wreath for the front door (check it out on facebook), a wallet, and some small hand-blown wine glasses that look like chunky water glasses for little kids, but really cute. I probably won’t get Bill a desk until Cait and Koby get a house and take our piano with them. Then I’ll redo the front room into an office. And I won’t get new rugs until I have only one dog left in the house. To do so before that would just be silly. The stuff for the front stoop will be cheap, and I’ll just pick it up if I come across it in my daily travels.

But I really don’t like shopping. Today was kind of a record for me, except for maybe during Christmastime.


The rain finally stopped. We got a total of about 5.558 inches of rain over the past 48 hours. The yellow stuff outside now has a tinge of green to it. Thank you Isaac for breaking the drought. Now our regularly scheduled oppressive heat will resume.

I really can’t wait for fall. I’m not the only one around here who feels that way. Stef will be making pumpkin pies and Decky will be making his awesome spiced pecans tomorrow. I heard there was a pecan shortage coming, so I stocked up on Missouri pecans, which are so sweet you don’t need sugar.

Back to the weather – it was so humid tonight, I had to turn on the a/c just so we could sleep. Yeesh.


We watched the movie ‘Super 8’ today and it was great. Decky, Bill and I really enjoyed it.
We went to Cascone’s for a great italian dinner and sat right by the pianist and saxophonist. It was wonderful as always. Than k goodness for groupons or we’d never go out.


I just bought some much-needed clogs for work. They look pretty cute, but not goofy. It’s been so long since I bought some that I hope they fit the same way my old ones did. Before they cracked in half, of course. I wore them for about thirteen years. Hopefully the new ones will last that long. I think I’m really hoping I get this job at the Best Hospital in Kansas 2012’s ED. I better stop thinking about it and not get my hopes up. Sure, it would be so cool to say I work there, and sure I would get great experience, but I do have a pretty good job right now, so I shouldn’t feel too bad if I don’t get selected.

Okay, I just felt myself slipping. No more shopping or navel-gazing for me tonight.
Love you, Amy.